fed up.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
i dont want to name names.
and i wont say what actually is going on.
but i must express this.
sometimes to get something done.
i think u just have to depend on yourself.
to fulfill someone else's dreams..
you just got to do it urself.
never depend on others.
don't seek for anything else
from anyone.
trust me.
oh well.
i guess i just have to source out on my own.
ah so sick la.
stupid bullfrogs.
i cant accept something that doesnt go my way.
all can just die la.
ah screw.
i thought of being civil.
seriously
im really dying.
inside.
i feel dead
empty.
like a living corspe.
i dun feel anything for hockey.
there i said it.
i dun feel anything for hockey.
not anymore.
that love is gone.
well i'm sure this will affect my game further.
muahahaha.
yay! that's so what i want.
whoopee!
yeeeehaaaa!
argh all can die again la!
chicken nene.
--insignificant lies--
10:15 am
ferri
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
hello.
its me.
sometimes you come to a point in ur life
where u think
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?
what u've been doing for the past 6 yrs
suddenly doesnt make sense.
none of it.
you used to work to achieve towards something.
but now the hey days are gone
and u feel empty.
you wonder when u will get out of this blackhole.
will you ever?
i've stopped hoping for a miracle
for a show of skill
for a show of talent.
and what i thought was real and was exciting
and what was fun is not anymore.
it becomes a chore.
a pain in the ass.
in the butt.
in the heart.
when you're heart's not in it anymore
you no there is no point
i havent accomplished anything great in the past 6 yrs.
i used to say "my one and only passion."
that was it.
nothing else.
i didnt wanna do anything else.
i made so many sacrifices for it.
but i feel now..nothing has returned.
nothing given back to me that i can be proud of.
i was a lousy captain.
a lousy player
and will always remain
as just a pointless dot in the history
of a sport that i once loved more than life itself.
there are so many questions banging in my head
so many guilt feelings
so many concerns
and thoughts about the feelings of others.
but at the end of the day.
only my feelings matter.
not any of the others out there.
when do i hand in my resignation letter?
is it even time yet.
maybe those times where i joked abt it..
its true-"i'm too old for this sport."
oh well.
more to mull over tmr.
tonite this is it.
this is it.
--insignificant lies--
9:39 pm
id mubarak.
Friday, January 21, 2005
hey..
slamat hari raya aidiladha.
its not such a happy moment.
supposed to be a solemn occasion.
so can't go screaming.
but raya time is no longer that happy for me.
my grandfather is no longer around
and something is missing.
the whole family(relatives etc.) is going ballistic.
this sucks.
i know i havent been really blatantly mournful abt his passing
but deep inside i feel really sad.
i miss him you know.
even all his temperaments and mood swings.
he is my grandfather after all.
and blood is thicker than water.
i just wonder will i feel the same if my nani passes?
god im such a bitch.
but there are just somethings in life that u feel
that has happened to you that you can't forget
even though its ur own family.
so yeah.
die all.
once again.
oh and id mubarak.
--insignificant lies--
1:27 am
i wish
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
i wish i have all the answers.
i wish everything was free.
i wish man was not at war with each other.
i wish i had the power to change myself.
i wish i was as fast as a cheetah.
i wish i was as fit as salmon who can swim upstream.
i wish i was a rock star.
i wish i had kept on playing guitar.
i wish i was so rich that i do not have to find a job.
i wish i have a house of my own.
i wish i have a vespa.
i wish i have a license!
i wish i still have a hamster.
all die la.
--insignificant lies--
10:35 pm
shoot me in the head
Saturday, January 15, 2005
i am so fucking confused.
you wouldn't even know.
its like there is this thing
it means the world to you
but u don't know why
you're even fucking confused.
oh fuck.
im scared that i will hurt someone.
i'm scared of regrets.
i don't want to have any.
fuck.
--insignificant lies--
10:37 pm
melodrama.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
innocent music:-
Not Gon' Cry
Mary Blige
good morning.
i just realised that i do
make things more melodrama
than they shld be.
haha.
but that's me.
miss india 2005.
;)
wat crappies yaar.
my pali girl is leavg tmr.
life will be so sad.
not tt we will ever be far away.
but face to face is diff
frm comp to comp.
haiz.bummerz.
will miss her senseless.
and bored mindless.
let me be ur mistress.
at least can offer my services to someone.
I HATE NOT DOING ANYTHING FULFILLING!
FARK!.
ok pissed for nothing.
hehe..
melodrama remember?
hehehehehe..
im listening to nelly now.
over and over.
nice song.
oh my chappati!!!!
i forgot..
brb...
ok back.
chappati is ok.
yum yum.
cant wait to eat it.
ok..going now.
and mary j blige.
i love you.
can't believe she is antwone's cousin.
coolz!
--insignificant lies--
11:31 am
new skin.
like my new blog?
might i just say..
i did not do much to this.
i have to thank piggyshoes
because it is her original pics
and ideas.
i just changed the pic here and there
to suit wat i wanted.
i was bored senseless at home
but not bored that i was gonna do something
from scratch.
no no..
not today.
hahaha..
anw..
things are..
hmm..
i dunno wat to say.
but i wrote a song.
a really nice one.
with tune and all.
i guess inspiration really
fills me when im sad.
to you.
will always love you.
--insignificant lies--
1:19 am
shucks.
Monday, January 03, 2005
hey all..
j..wish things cld be diff for you.
i really wish i cld change it all for you.
i've seen u heart broken so many times.
but one thing i know is true.
you are very strong.
and you will make out of this slump.
don't worry.
i'm here for you when u need me.
u are a wonderful person.
and wonderful ppl will find their happy ending.
:D
love you girl.
ps. don't break ppl's hearts. ever.
--insignificant lies--
3:01 am
happy new year.
Saturday, January 01, 2005
so some ppl been asking me what's my new year's resolution?
simple.
*keep my hair long*
hahaha...
dumb resolution.
but this is my long hair year
so must keep up with it.
haha..
watch out for my new long hair by august.
in the event that i don't make it to a long length
all apologies
and the blame should go to the blistering weather in spore.
--insignificant lies--
7:23 pm
